Time for some changes...

I am amazed at how quickly 5 years can just fly by. In the past five years, I have met, dated, and married Joel. We have celebrated 3 (almost 4) wedding anniversaries, had two boys, moved across the country, bought a house and the list could just go on and on!

While all this was occurring, I was getting older, took less time for myself and gained about 50 pounds. I truly honestly hate writing that number down to look at it. After having Noah, I realized it was time to get myself back. I wanted to feel comfortable wearing clothes, going out in public. I wanted to be able to keep up with my boys and have more energy. But most of all I wanted to be healthier and be a better role model for my boys (all three of them!). I somehow along the way stopped taking time for myself. I started putting all my energy into taking care of a husband, children, a dog, and a household, that taking care of myself just became lower and lower on my priority list. I had to do some soul searching and I came to the conclusion, I do not know who I am anymore. With all the changes that have occurred, I lost myself. So, I am actively on my quest to find "me" again. I hope to turn up a new and improved Jenn, wife, mother, daughter, friend, and sister.

I joined my gym and got myself a personal trainer. He is fantastic. He has the right level of pushing and praise down. Exactly what I need. While, I know the journey to a smaller Jenn will take quite some time, I am very proud of myself for just taking the first step. I hope to look in the mirror during my journey and be excited at the woman looking back.

I have already discovered that I love having "me" time. I do love to put the kids in the gym childcare and tune out and workout hard! I am rekindling my romance with baking/cooking, though with much healthier items on our menu. I am actively involved in a Bible study that challenges my thinking and I am looking for other hobbies and interests to build myself back up!

It all came down to me realizing that I am "worth it". The God of this universe and the creator of me did not create me to live a life of negativity and dullness. He created me to be joyful in His creation of myself and everything around me. He created me to live life abundantly!

So, now begins the hard work...going to the gym five days a week and a 1600-1800 calorie diet.

Updates..Updates..Updates...

It has been a while since I have updated our blog and with good reason too!

After an absolutely crazy journey with our house, we officially closed on July 22nd! I still cannot believe that we are homeowners. It definitely was a decision that we chose to act on sooner rather than later due to the economy for homebuyers (perfect right now), the cost analysis of buying/renting, and just a feeling of peace after many conversations in prayer. Our house is perfect for us right now. It has a great backyard, near a park, less than 3 miles from Joel's work, and right in the suburbs. We really enjoy it!

Joel has officially opened his very own store! I have to take a moment to say how awesomely proud I am of him. Back when we were just dating, (on another side note August 21st marked 5 years of us being together and 4 years since we got engaged!!) Joel told me his goals and aspirations. He wanted to be a store manager at Kohls within 5 years and if he did not see himself achieving those goals, then he would move onto a different company. Well here we are 5 years later and he is in a much better company fit for him and he has worked super hard over the past two years to make it to having his own store!

Noah is almost 6 months old. In the past few months he started becoming quite mobile. He rolls pretty much anywhere he wants. If he sees an object across the room that he wants, he rolls towards it! He often gets stuck in very odd places, like under our bed and underneath the entertainment center. He is working hard on sitting unassisted and I can just tell he wants to crawl! He has grown like a weed and I am hoping at his appointment this month, we find that he has moved to bigger percentiles. He is still exclusively breastfed. While it was a tough journey in the beginning we have an awesome routine now and I love it! (It gives me a chance to just sit and relax for 10-15 minutes at a time where I would otherwise be running around) He is still sleeping through the night which is totally awesome. We recently tried to introduce solids, but he just was not ready quite yet. He has the sweetest smile and personality...I think he is a keeper!

Nathaniel is almost 2 years old. My baby boy is growing up before my eyes. While his expressive speech is still lacking, he has just excelled in so many other places. He is becoming so very independent. He can pull his pants up, put his shirt on, move the stool to the sink and wash his own hands, brush his teeth, drink from a cup without a lid, and eat with a fork and spoon with minimal spilling. I absolutely love his personality. He cracks me up, he is always doing something silly like dancing and hiding. He loves his dog Sedona and his brother. He has his special sign for I love you and he loves to give kisses. Basically I love this little man :)

I have officially started going to the gym and I love it. It gives me some time to myself and it makes me feel good. I am working hard on losing the baby weight (and some other added weight) to not only be healthier, but to feel good about myself. I am finally back into a somewhat routine and making some awesome meals for my family. I am working on trying to find my place here. I have started looking into moms groups and Bible studies to have some human contact other than little kiddos during the day. I am just trying to find my place and purpose here in our new town!

We are officially cloth diapering both boys. After a lot of research and planning, we made the switch. I absolutely love it! We also use cloth wipes, so we never run out of diapers or wipes. And with two in diapers it is something that is bound to happen if we were using disposables. It may have been a little yucky at first, but we got down a great wash routine and the boys just look super cute in their fluffy bums :) (I have an entire blog post written up on cloth diapers in case anyone is interested or just curious!)

Well I have like two other posts to post today so enjoy and Happy Friday :)

Mommy Confessional

1) Circumstances should not dictate our outlook on life.

2) The way we respond to circumstances should be the same whether it is a positive or negative outcome.

I admit that I have failed miserably at both of those statements this past week. I have allowed our negative situation put me in a foul mood and it has reflected in how I respond to all three of my boys. We are currently situated in a hotel room instead of the house that we are purchasing. Due to a series of unfortunate events, we were delayed in the closing of our house by about a week. I was so angry and just assumed God and the world was out to get me because we could not close on time and I was stuck in a tiny hotel room with two crazy boys.

My husband very gently yet firmly told me that I needed to take a time out and just pray. I was convinced that prayer would do absolutely nothing for me. But I trust him and his advice for me, so I begrudgingly decided to do my daily devotional and pray. Well my devotional of the day was focused on prayer (coincidence, I think not!). The first line of the devotional was this: "Prayer is not meant to change God's mind, but to change ours. Prayer aligns our thinking with God's will." Well right there I was completely convicted. I just broke down and laid it all out to God including my anger for our situation and everything else that was on my mind. I have long since learned that God is the absolute best listener. And after my mind was finally empty, God quieted my heart and guided me in the right direction. I felt a peace that transcends all understanding and felt ready to tackle the rest of my day. I realized that prayer absolutely changes my mind and allows me to follow God wholeheartedly.

I never quite understand why God places certain things in our lives. But I always find out that His purpose and plan is much better for me and my family that what my plan is (was). This week I may not have moved into my new house, but I got to spend a few extra days with my husband that we would have spent apart. I got to spend the week playing with my boys rather than unpacking. And I get to spend a much needed and anticipated night out with good friends. So maybe my plan might have been good, but God's sure was better.

So my confession is that I certainly am not the picture perfect mom that I envision all my friends are. I let my circumstances dictate my emotions and reactions to my family and I am constantly working on fixing that for the future.

Happy Friday :)

A day to celebrate!

I love days where you can just simply rejoice and celebrate in God's blessings. Today is one of those such days....

First Celebration:

Happy Father's day to an amazing father (and equally awesome husband). Father's day was always a special that we celebrated my father, but in the past two years this holiday took on a very different meaning. I married Joel knowing that our lives together would not just be us, but us and a family of kids (4 hopefully). Joel was (and still is) the epitome of a family man. One of the first things he stated when we started dating was that he wanted a family of his own. He was so beyond excited to find out about each of my pregnancies. His eyes fill with love, joy, and pride over his boys. I am so proud of his leadership both at work and at home. I am beyond thankful that he is able to provide financially so I can stay at home with the boys. I am excited to see my little men model after their father over the next years!

Second Celebration:

The dedication of our boys. Each church and religion has a different way of handling children in the faith. Joel and I are firm believers that faith in Christ is a personal decision made by each person when they are fully capable of making that decision on their own. Joel and I will never force "religion" onto our kids but instead guide them in the ways that we believe are true and holy. And our constant prayer is that their hearts will be open to hearing about Christ and will someday make that choice to follow in their faith along with us. The dedication ceremony is a time in which Joel and I make a choice and promise to raise our kids according to the Bible and acknowledging that we will fail as parents, but our guidance and strength come from Christ. It is also a time to allow the church to know of our decision and ask for their help and support along our journey of becoming parents!

Third Celebration:

It has officially been 10 years since I graduated from high school. I feel like an old geezer saying that outloud considering the girls I mentored through the COS high school ministry just graduated high school this year! I can honestly say that the past 10 years have been the absolute best years of my life thus far. High school certainly was not the highlight of my life. I was a total dork back then (I still am, but now I am cool by association b/c my husband and friends run with the cool crowd!). The past ten years I have learned a lot about myself and life. I graduated high school, college, and grad school. I got married, had two kids, and bought a house. I am so thankful for the blessings in my life and look forward to the next ten years!

Fourth Celebration:

My sweet baby boy is now 3 months old. The past three months have gone by super quickly! The first 6 weeks were a blur of recovery, sleepless nights, and adjustments. The following six weeks have been a dream! Noah is by far the sweetest baby I have met. He is a genuinely happy boy. He loves to stare, smile, and laugh. He is sleeping consistently 8-9 hours each night (not sure how that happened, but boy am I happy). He is on a pretty good schedule thus far. We follow the EASY (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time) schedule and that has been a great help to us. He nurses like a champ and is gaining weight beautifully. He has the cutest chubby cheeks and the cutest rolls in his thighs. His hair stands straight up like a mohawk and it is brownish in color. He is weighing about 12.5 lbs, but we wont know for sure until his checkup in July. He is on the brink of rolling over, but hasn't quite been interested enough to do it yet!

That all makes for a very joyful and exhausting Sunday. We are looking forward to closing on the house sometime in early July. In the meantime we are packing, packing, and more packing....

Becoming Mommy...

Well if you asked any of my friends in college what I would be in the future they would undoubtedly tell you, a mother. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom despite getting a bachelor's degree and a master's degree. It is probably because growing up I had a mom who stayed at home. It honestly was the best thing I could imagine. Anytime I needed my mom she was there. She delivered forgotten school lunches, picked me up when I was sick, was home when I was sick. She was there before school to make breakfast and lunches. She was there after school to listen to our boring days and make us snacks. My mom cared and loved me (and my brother) in an amazing way. It was so great that I knew I wanted to be her when I grew up.

Luckily when I first started dating Joel, he was not shocked or taken aback by me wanting to be a stay at home mom. In fact, he wanted the very same thing for his family. So, when I got pregnant with Nathaniel I knew that I would be quitting my job and staying at home. I was beyond excited because the career world was not for me (however, if I could go to school indefinitely and learn for free I would do that as my career, nerdy I know!).

October 16th 2009 I became a mother. My new job was harder than any job I ever had. There was no probation period or on the job training. I had to be 100% mother from the get go. I was working on little to no sleep, a colicky baby, and no husband (due to him providing for our family by training out of town for a new job). I was overwhelmed and frustrated. Who knew that simple daily tasks like taking a shower, eating a sandwich, and taking your time in the bathroom would be come luxuries? I became bogged down with housework and being on call 24/7. I slowly started developing postpartum depression that lingered far into Nathaniel's first year of life. I often wondered why I became a mother. It was not this glamorous job that I envisioned. I did not have this perfect mommy look with styled hair and cute clothes. My son would not cooperate and be happy like all the other babies that I saw. Instead I felt I was constantly disheveled due to lack of time to actually devote to myself and the baby weight (and added pre-baby weight) that I could not seem to shed. I mean if I barely had time to take a shower, how was I going to exercise?? My house was in a constant state of disarray. I could barely manage to make these amazing meals that I dreamed of. Heck, we were lucky to have Hamburger Helper on the table! I realized that being a mother is a 24 hour a day job. I do not get vacations or sick leave. I am on call for middle of the night feedings and lovings. I am not just a mother but a housekeeper, nurse, chauffeur, chef, financial planner, banker, mediator, and many more things.

Now, I suppose this sounds all grim and that I am not thankful nor happy to be a mother. Both are completely untrue. I always loved Nathaniel, but once the depression started to lift and he became a happier baby, it was easier for me to be a mother. It took about 6 months before life started getting more "normal". At that point Nathaniel was more content being alone and I was more rested and able to juggle my everyday tasks from showering to cleaning and cooking for my family. I started to realize that being a mother is like any other job out there. You work long hours with little to no appreciation (from the kiddos). You are constantly learning and growing. And there will be days that you absolutely love your job and days when you cannot wait to clock out (in my case that would be bed time for the boy). And there will be all the other days in between when you are going about your day and little bits of joy are flown in to make you love your job even more.

Once Nathaniel hit the one year mark, I fell totally and completely in love with him. It was like a light switch went on and I went from being mother to being mommy. I finally found my purpose in motherhood and could not wait to continue on with Nathaniel and eventually with Noah. Once Noah was born I suffered from the depression again, but it quickly lifted this time and I was able to fall in love with him and enjoy him much sooner. I feel like for the first time in my life I am completely and 100% content with my life. I absolutely love being a mommy and I absolutely love my boys.

It may have taken a year and a half of tears and countless prayers, but God prevailed and allowed the joy of motherhood to overcome my life. Trust me I still have those days where I want to scream and count down the hours, minutes, and seconds until bedtime. But, I now realize they are just part of the job and make me appreciate the good times that much more.

So, with all that being said. I am extremely thankful for own mother. All of this made me appreciate her even more than I did before. I now see exactly what a stay at home mom does each day and I realized the sacrifices my mother and all mothers make in love for their children. Happy Mother's Day!

The Birth of Noah Robert

If you dont want to read about a birth then you might want to skip this blog entry. I was always intrigued by birth shows and the stories of my friends births. So, 7 weeks later while the information is still fresh I am gonna tell you the story of the birth of my sweet second son.

I was induced at 37 weeks due to high blood pressure with Nathaniel. So, I never made it past the 37 week mark. I just assumed I would deliver around 37 weeks and have it all be over with. Well, week 37 went by, week 38 went by and I was entering my 39th week. My doctor estimated that Noah would be around 10 pounds if I went to the full 40 weeks. My labs were great, but my blood pressure was hitting a point where it could turn bad at any moment. So, the plan was set to induce labor on March 18th, the day I turned 39 weeks. I was sad that this being my second pregnancy I would not know what going into labor felt like, but I was glad to have a plan set so that Nathaniel could be well taken care of.

I went into the hospital at 5:00pm on March 18th. After about an hour of questions and tests, my IV was inserted. I hadnt eaten all day per the nurses direction at my doctors office, so they let me eat a small meal. At 6:45 they started the pitocin. I started feeling the contractions 30 mins later. Life was still good, I was smiling and laughing! At 8pm the anesthesiologist came in and asked if I wanted my epidural. He was going to be in surgery and wanted me to be comfortable. I said yes right away. About 45 minutes later, I was feeling great. My legs were numb and I was comfortable. It was quite painful and uncomfortable to get the needle in, but once it was in, relief was splendid.

Around midnight my amazing ob came in and checked me. I was 6 cm (up from 5 when I came to the hospital). She said she felt Noah's head and that my bag of water was ready to pop. So, she did just that. Within minutes of my water breaking, I went from being comfortable and happy to being uncomfortable and miserable. The amazing anesthesiologist came back in and gave me some more medicine and I was able to bear through the remaining hour of labor. There was so much pressure and my body was involuntarily pushing Noah out. The nurse made me purposefully not push as my body was entering the last phase of labor. After an hour of breathing pure oxygen (to make sure Noah's heartrate stayed up) and forcing my body not to push, it was time. Almost immediately our room transformed and my ob was back and ready to go. After 13 minutes of intense pushing, my little (well rather large) second son made his entrance at 1:20am on March 19th. He was placed on my chest immediately and we bonded while the doctor was patching things up. Noah had a rough time catching his breath in the beginning b/c of his quick entrance into the world. But after a few moments he was perfect. He was weighed in at 9 lbs 3 oz and 21 inches long. He had a beautiful head of dark hair and the cutest chubby cheeks.

I got a chance to recover the next day and have my Nathaniel meet his little brother. Nathaniel pretty much just wanted to see me and run around the hospital room. It took him a few days to recognize that Noah was going to stay forever!

The past seven weeks have been a period of huge adjustments. On top of an already rambunctious toddler, I had to deal with postpartum recovery, sleep deprivation, and learning to love a new son. With the help of my amazing husband, awesome mother, and the strength of Christ I made it through the first few rough weeks.

Some facts about Noah

Weighed 9lbs 3 oz at birth, he dropped to 8lbs 5 oz at 4 days and was up to 8lbs 12oz at one week.

One month: 10lbs even and 21 and 3/4 inches

Personality: Noah is very calm and content. He loves to be held and only cries when he is hungry or has a dirty diaper. He loves to smile and stare at lights. He currently sleeps one 6 hour stretch at night, eats and then sleeps another 3. He nurses like a champ.