Becoming Mommy...

Well if you asked any of my friends in college what I would be in the future they would undoubtedly tell you, a mother. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom despite getting a bachelor's degree and a master's degree. It is probably because growing up I had a mom who stayed at home. It honestly was the best thing I could imagine. Anytime I needed my mom she was there. She delivered forgotten school lunches, picked me up when I was sick, was home when I was sick. She was there before school to make breakfast and lunches. She was there after school to listen to our boring days and make us snacks. My mom cared and loved me (and my brother) in an amazing way. It was so great that I knew I wanted to be her when I grew up.

Luckily when I first started dating Joel, he was not shocked or taken aback by me wanting to be a stay at home mom. In fact, he wanted the very same thing for his family. So, when I got pregnant with Nathaniel I knew that I would be quitting my job and staying at home. I was beyond excited because the career world was not for me (however, if I could go to school indefinitely and learn for free I would do that as my career, nerdy I know!).

October 16th 2009 I became a mother. My new job was harder than any job I ever had. There was no probation period or on the job training. I had to be 100% mother from the get go. I was working on little to no sleep, a colicky baby, and no husband (due to him providing for our family by training out of town for a new job). I was overwhelmed and frustrated. Who knew that simple daily tasks like taking a shower, eating a sandwich, and taking your time in the bathroom would be come luxuries? I became bogged down with housework and being on call 24/7. I slowly started developing postpartum depression that lingered far into Nathaniel's first year of life. I often wondered why I became a mother. It was not this glamorous job that I envisioned. I did not have this perfect mommy look with styled hair and cute clothes. My son would not cooperate and be happy like all the other babies that I saw. Instead I felt I was constantly disheveled due to lack of time to actually devote to myself and the baby weight (and added pre-baby weight) that I could not seem to shed. I mean if I barely had time to take a shower, how was I going to exercise?? My house was in a constant state of disarray. I could barely manage to make these amazing meals that I dreamed of. Heck, we were lucky to have Hamburger Helper on the table! I realized that being a mother is a 24 hour a day job. I do not get vacations or sick leave. I am on call for middle of the night feedings and lovings. I am not just a mother but a housekeeper, nurse, chauffeur, chef, financial planner, banker, mediator, and many more things.

Now, I suppose this sounds all grim and that I am not thankful nor happy to be a mother. Both are completely untrue. I always loved Nathaniel, but once the depression started to lift and he became a happier baby, it was easier for me to be a mother. It took about 6 months before life started getting more "normal". At that point Nathaniel was more content being alone and I was more rested and able to juggle my everyday tasks from showering to cleaning and cooking for my family. I started to realize that being a mother is like any other job out there. You work long hours with little to no appreciation (from the kiddos). You are constantly learning and growing. And there will be days that you absolutely love your job and days when you cannot wait to clock out (in my case that would be bed time for the boy). And there will be all the other days in between when you are going about your day and little bits of joy are flown in to make you love your job even more.

Once Nathaniel hit the one year mark, I fell totally and completely in love with him. It was like a light switch went on and I went from being mother to being mommy. I finally found my purpose in motherhood and could not wait to continue on with Nathaniel and eventually with Noah. Once Noah was born I suffered from the depression again, but it quickly lifted this time and I was able to fall in love with him and enjoy him much sooner. I feel like for the first time in my life I am completely and 100% content with my life. I absolutely love being a mommy and I absolutely love my boys.

It may have taken a year and a half of tears and countless prayers, but God prevailed and allowed the joy of motherhood to overcome my life. Trust me I still have those days where I want to scream and count down the hours, minutes, and seconds until bedtime. But, I now realize they are just part of the job and make me appreciate the good times that much more.

So, with all that being said. I am extremely thankful for own mother. All of this made me appreciate her even more than I did before. I now see exactly what a stay at home mom does each day and I realized the sacrifices my mother and all mothers make in love for their children. Happy Mother's Day!

The Birth of Noah Robert

If you dont want to read about a birth then you might want to skip this blog entry. I was always intrigued by birth shows and the stories of my friends births. So, 7 weeks later while the information is still fresh I am gonna tell you the story of the birth of my sweet second son.

I was induced at 37 weeks due to high blood pressure with Nathaniel. So, I never made it past the 37 week mark. I just assumed I would deliver around 37 weeks and have it all be over with. Well, week 37 went by, week 38 went by and I was entering my 39th week. My doctor estimated that Noah would be around 10 pounds if I went to the full 40 weeks. My labs were great, but my blood pressure was hitting a point where it could turn bad at any moment. So, the plan was set to induce labor on March 18th, the day I turned 39 weeks. I was sad that this being my second pregnancy I would not know what going into labor felt like, but I was glad to have a plan set so that Nathaniel could be well taken care of.

I went into the hospital at 5:00pm on March 18th. After about an hour of questions and tests, my IV was inserted. I hadnt eaten all day per the nurses direction at my doctors office, so they let me eat a small meal. At 6:45 they started the pitocin. I started feeling the contractions 30 mins later. Life was still good, I was smiling and laughing! At 8pm the anesthesiologist came in and asked if I wanted my epidural. He was going to be in surgery and wanted me to be comfortable. I said yes right away. About 45 minutes later, I was feeling great. My legs were numb and I was comfortable. It was quite painful and uncomfortable to get the needle in, but once it was in, relief was splendid.

Around midnight my amazing ob came in and checked me. I was 6 cm (up from 5 when I came to the hospital). She said she felt Noah's head and that my bag of water was ready to pop. So, she did just that. Within minutes of my water breaking, I went from being comfortable and happy to being uncomfortable and miserable. The amazing anesthesiologist came back in and gave me some more medicine and I was able to bear through the remaining hour of labor. There was so much pressure and my body was involuntarily pushing Noah out. The nurse made me purposefully not push as my body was entering the last phase of labor. After an hour of breathing pure oxygen (to make sure Noah's heartrate stayed up) and forcing my body not to push, it was time. Almost immediately our room transformed and my ob was back and ready to go. After 13 minutes of intense pushing, my little (well rather large) second son made his entrance at 1:20am on March 19th. He was placed on my chest immediately and we bonded while the doctor was patching things up. Noah had a rough time catching his breath in the beginning b/c of his quick entrance into the world. But after a few moments he was perfect. He was weighed in at 9 lbs 3 oz and 21 inches long. He had a beautiful head of dark hair and the cutest chubby cheeks.

I got a chance to recover the next day and have my Nathaniel meet his little brother. Nathaniel pretty much just wanted to see me and run around the hospital room. It took him a few days to recognize that Noah was going to stay forever!

The past seven weeks have been a period of huge adjustments. On top of an already rambunctious toddler, I had to deal with postpartum recovery, sleep deprivation, and learning to love a new son. With the help of my amazing husband, awesome mother, and the strength of Christ I made it through the first few rough weeks.

Some facts about Noah

Weighed 9lbs 3 oz at birth, he dropped to 8lbs 5 oz at 4 days and was up to 8lbs 12oz at one week.

One month: 10lbs even and 21 and 3/4 inches

Personality: Noah is very calm and content. He loves to be held and only cries when he is hungry or has a dirty diaper. He loves to smile and stare at lights. He currently sleeps one 6 hour stretch at night, eats and then sleeps another 3. He nurses like a champ.