Well if you asked any of my friends in college what I would be in the future they would undoubtedly tell you, a mother. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom despite getting a bachelor's degree and a master's degree. It is probably because growing up I had a mom who stayed at home. It honestly was the best thing I could imagine. Anytime I needed my mom she was there. She delivered forgotten school lunches, picked me up when I was sick, was home when I was sick. She was there before school to make breakfast and lunches. She was there after school to listen to our boring days and make us snacks. My mom cared and loved me (and my brother) in an amazing way. It was so great that I knew I wanted to be her when I grew up.
Luckily when I first started dating Joel, he was not shocked or taken aback by me wanting to be a stay at home mom. In fact, he wanted the very same thing for his family. So, when I got pregnant with Nathaniel I knew that I would be quitting my job and staying at home. I was beyond excited because the career world was not for me (however, if I could go to school indefinitely and learn for free I would do that as my career, nerdy I know!).
October 16th 2009 I became a mother. My new job was harder than any job I ever had. There was no probation period or on the job training. I had to be 100% mother from the get go. I was working on little to no sleep, a colicky baby, and no husband (due to him providing for our family by training out of town for a new job). I was overwhelmed and frustrated. Who knew that simple daily tasks like taking a shower, eating a sandwich, and taking your time in the bathroom would be come luxuries? I became bogged down with housework and being on call 24/7. I slowly started developing postpartum depression that lingered far into Nathaniel's first year of life. I often wondered why I became a mother. It was not this glamorous job that I envisioned. I did not have this perfect mommy look with styled hair and cute clothes. My son would not cooperate and be happy like all the other babies that I saw. Instead I felt I was constantly disheveled due to lack of time to actually devote to myself and the baby weight (and added pre-baby weight) that I could not seem to shed. I mean if I barely had time to take a shower, how was I going to exercise?? My house was in a constant state of disarray. I could barely manage to make these amazing meals that I dreamed of. Heck, we were lucky to have Hamburger Helper on the table! I realized that being a mother is a 24 hour a day job. I do not get vacations or sick leave. I am on call for middle of the night feedings and lovings. I am not just a mother but a housekeeper, nurse, chauffeur, chef, financial planner, banker, mediator, and many more things.
Now, I suppose this sounds all grim and that I am not thankful nor happy to be a mother. Both are completely untrue. I always loved Nathaniel, but once the depression started to lift and he became a happier baby, it was easier for me to be a mother. It took about 6 months before life started getting more "normal". At that point Nathaniel was more content being alone and I was more rested and able to juggle my everyday tasks from showering to cleaning and cooking for my family. I started to realize that being a mother is like any other job out there. You work long hours with little to no appreciation (from the kiddos). You are constantly learning and growing. And there will be days that you absolutely love your job and days when you cannot wait to clock out (in my case that would be bed time for the boy). And there will be all the other days in between when you are going about your day and little bits of joy are flown in to make you love your job even more.
Once Nathaniel hit the one year mark, I fell totally and completely in love with him. It was like a light switch went on and I went from being mother to being mommy. I finally found my purpose in motherhood and could not wait to continue on with Nathaniel and eventually with Noah. Once Noah was born I suffered from the depression again, but it quickly lifted this time and I was able to fall in love with him and enjoy him much sooner. I feel like for the first time in my life I am completely and 100% content with my life. I absolutely love being a mommy and I absolutely love my boys.
It may have taken a year and a half of tears and countless prayers, but God prevailed and allowed the joy of motherhood to overcome my life. Trust me I still have those days where I want to scream and count down the hours, minutes, and seconds until bedtime. But, I now realize they are just part of the job and make me appreciate the good times that much more.
So, with all that being said. I am extremely thankful for own mother. All of this made me appreciate her even more than I did before. I now see exactly what a stay at home mom does each day and I realized the sacrifices my mother and all mothers make in love for their children. Happy Mother's Day!
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